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| Photo by Jason Audain (@yahudah_ solutions_photography) |
I am obsessed with understanding the degree to which God
involves Himself in our lives. Is He there in the
intricate details? Or is He only concerned with the big stuff? I know that He
is ever-present. I know that He loves me. I know that He has all power and can
change any situation at anytime. But I’ve noticed that He doesn’t always
intervene. He does not readily manipulate circumstances in my favor. He does
not answer my every prayer...
Some may want to be cheeky-spiritual and say, “He
did answer your prayer, and the answer was ‘no’”. No matter how one tries to
spin it, the truth is, God does not always give us what we ask for and
certainly not when we ask for it. Sometimes I’m okay with that. I can get over
the fact that I did not grow up to marry Romeo from Immature. Other times it’s
not okay. We can pray and pray and still lose that house… that job… that loved
one. I have seen Christians fail; I have seen Christians lose; I have seen
Christians die. Are the righteous then being forsaken (Psalm 37:25)? God, what are we supposed to make of that?
Apophenia implies a universal human tendency to seek
patterns in random information. Maybe it’s consistency and
predictability that we crave. We observe what has been done so that we can know
what to expect. But God, though constant, is not really consistent. Take for
example Jesus’ healing miracles. In Matthew 9:27-30 Jesus restored the sight of
two blind men simply by touching their eyes. Healing the blind man in Bathsaida
in Mark 8:22-25 was more of a process. Jesus led the man out of the city, spit
on the man’s eyes and then touched the man’s eyes twice and the man’s sight was
restored. To heal the man born blind in John 9:1-7, Jesus spit on the ground,
made mud, placed the mud on the man’s eyes and told the man to go wash in the
Pool of Siloma. The same miracle was executed in the lives of three different
people in three different ways. One miracle was performed according the men’s
faith, another “so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” I see
no pattern, no science, no one size fits all. Jesus didn’t heal many people at
all in His hometown because of their lack of faith (Matthew 13:58). Is Jesus
rendered powerless without the faith of the person being healed or did He
simply choose not to heal them because of their lack of faith? (Perhaps a
conversation for another time). God does not answer everyone and every
situation the same. If I could figure out the pattern – the math and science of
what moves God to answer our prayers every single time – I would be a
billionaire. But His thoughts are not our thoughts. His ways are higher than
our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).
So, what do I do with that? What do I do when I have
placed all of my trust in God so much so that I prayed to Him about something
and He betrays me? He does not answer my prayer. I did everything right yet did
not get what I want. I’ll be honest; sometimes I question the use of praying.
Why waist my hope and my energy praying when there are no guarantees. I would
rather not pray than to excite myself and be disappointed. I think (if we are real with ourselves) what
we are truly asking is, how do I control
the almighty and all powerful God. How
do I wrap Him around my finger and make Him do what I want? Then, when we
can’t figure that out, we just stop talking to Him, stop believing in Him,
excommunicate him from our lives. I hate to break it to you, but we can’t. We
can neither control God nor can we excommunicate Him from our lives. He is
life. Take a breath…that is God.
The question on the other side of this coin
is, what motivates God to say “no”. What would cause Him to stand down or move
out of the way and allow something that we do not want to happen? The same
cliché answers plague me: our growth, His Will, the sake of a bigger picture,
it’s what is best for me and the other players involved. No matter how I try to spin it, the answer is
still the same. If God is in fact for me (Romans 8:31), if God’s indentions are
not to harm me but to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), if God is
working all things together for my good (Romans 8:28), then there is but one
conclusion. The clichés are true. The occurrences of life – be they disappointments
or otherwise, business, professional or personal – are but small pieces of the
puzzle that make me the best me. And I too am a piece of The Grander Design. I
pray, I ask and I wait, and whatever the outcome, I can trust that it is for the
best.
This knowledge does not eradicate our disappointments nor
the temptation to ostracize God for not exerting his Omnipotence in favor of
our desired outcome. Even though we know these truths in our heads, it does
not dismiss the fact that it hurts when seemingly negative circumstances happen
to us and cause us to question God. So, how do we deal with those feelings of
betrayal and move gracefully across the bridge of disappointment without the
drama of losing faith and trust in God? It all boils down to the relationship.
No matter what is happening our emotional and spiritual survival depends on how
well we nurture our relationship with God throughout.
I have written at length about the toughest period of my
life - the time when I felt that God had abandoned me. It was not during my
bout with cancer and the months of chemotherapy. It was during the years after
when I expected God to give me “double for my trouble”. Somewhere along the
line I adopted the ideal that I should receive a grand reward and “happily ever
after” when I overcome a trial. I did not expect that I would have to trust God
yet again under completely different circumstance. (And before getting my due “reward” for the first trail). I was so
focused on myself and what I should get. I could not see my reward for what it
was (I survived); it had to come in the way that I envisioned it. Even when I researched
scripture or when others tried to suggest verses, the verses were always about
God’s promises. Again, it was all about what I should get – what I was owed. It
was not until years later that I realized that my relationship with God was all
about me using Him. What was in it for me being a Christian? I felt entitled. When
I didn’t get my own way I removed myself from that relationship. I never denied
God’s existence; I just chose not to communicate with Him. What was the point
of investing my hope and energy in praying and the prayers not be answered? Not
once did I stop to focus on Him and Him alone in the midst of all the
disappointment.
Years later when I started seeking a new church, I gravitated
to the one in which the pastor’s messages always brought my attention back to
Jesus himself – not what He could/would do, but who He is and what He has done.
I started attending this church way before my revelation about my attitude, but
something in me already knew that my thoughts needed to be on Christ and Christ
alone. I need to invest in my relationship with Him.
No matter how you spin it we are in relationship with
God: Father-child, Creator- created, Lord-servant, Bridegroom-church, God-man.
It is why we pray Father, Abba, Daddy, God. It is why we pray at all. It
is our responsibility to nurture that relationship and protect it at all cost
even in trying times. Next time we will delve into how we can foster our
relationship with Christ in a deeper and more meaningful way.
Have you ever felt betrayed by God because He did not
answer your prayer? How did you respond? What helps to get you over those humps
of disappointment? Leave your comments below. I'd love to hear from you.
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And, remember we are so Spoiled by God.
www.SpoiledByGod.com
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