WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

What’s Inside: The conclusion to The Relational God series. What is the dynamic of your relationship with God? Is it based on the your expectations of what God SHOULD be or who He ACTUALLY is? Is it about time you stop giving God your little ultimatums – threatening to deprive Him of the intimate relationship that He literally died to have with you? Well, it all starts with your expectations. What are you expecting from God today? Perhaps you need to change that.

Our relationship with God is the most essential to our wellbeing. In Him we live and move and have our being. Every breath we take is God weather or not we choose to acknowledge it. I am disappointed by the many misconceptions circulating about what it means to have a relationship with God. For some reason many are led to believe that a relationship with God is about the results: seeing and believing, expecting and receiving. If we are not careful, we might actually start to believe that a relationship with God is the golden ticket to having the life that you always dreamed. I am not saying that that is impossible. I am saying that such a connection is misleading and creates confusion and heartbreak. Someone who has a relationship with God based on what they expect to get out of it, may later find him or herself confused and angry with God, because God didn’t “hold up His end of the bargain.”

It is our responsibility to fact-check the rumors. What are you expecting? When your life does not pan out the way that your religious teachings said it would, it is not time to turn away from God. It is instead time to see and learn for yourself who God really is.  It’s time to turn your heart to Him just because of who He is and what He has done and not because there is something to gain out of the relationship. Then your relationship with God is based on your personal journey with Him not solely on what you’ve heard.

One “hack” to maintaining healthy relationships that I found – weather it be marriage or friendship or otherwise – is to manage your expectations. This may seem counter-culture to popular preaching. But, I have fond that disappointment creeps its way into our relationships through our expectations. What do you expect from the person(s) you are in relationship with? What do you expect them to do or not to do? Are you being realistic in your expectations?  When your counterparts fall short of your expectation, disappoint kicks in; to expect someone to be anything other than who they are is unfair to them and ends in frustration for you. I hear Oprah Winfrey often quote Maya Angelou, “When people tell you who they are, believe them.” Certainly people can change, but if you start out a relationship with the intention of changing that person the relationship can end in serious heartbreak. We are better off when we choose to be in a relationship with the attitude of accepting who the person is and that you entered into the relationship with that person at your own free will.

If you have a relationship with God, it needs to be a relationship with Him as He is – not based on who you want Him to be, what He can do for you, or what you think you will get out of it. We don't foster a relationship with Jesus so that...but because He... If nothing else, we are the ones indebted to Him and not the other way around. At times we need to take a detox from the prosperity gospel and just bask in the original one. God so loves us that He sent His one and only son to die for us (John 3:16) – not because we did anything to deserve it but just because. Perhaps it’s time that we love Him just because.

My last piece of advice to conclude The Relational God series is this…

Manage your expectations

Here are some things that a relationship with God is not:

It is not the golden ticket to the life of your dreams exactly as you want it to be (there are many other factors at play - See post "DO THE WORK").

It is not a guarantee that you will feel good all the time even when things are not perfect.

It is not the happy pill that ensures that you see the good that comes as a result of your challenges. (You consciously make that choice)

It does not mean that you will get double for your trouble.

It is not a guarantee that your children will be perfect, that you will have children or even get married.

It does not mean that you will get everything you want every time.

It does not mean that you should get “yes” on your first ask.

It does not mean that everything should happen for you all at once and over night (or in three days because you believe).

It does not mean that things with just happen for you just because you think it.

It does not mean that you will magically learn information through osmosis.

It does not mean that you will magically experience exponential growth (in anything).

It is not some sort of sixth sense enabling you to always make the right choice.

It is not spooky and does not mean that all sorts of magic will happen now that you are close to God.

That is not what a relationship with God is all about. You still live your life only now with the enjoyment of having Him in it. It does mean that you are constantly in growth mode and will and should (at some point) display the Galatians 5 Fruit of the Spirit. You may never feel that you have “arrived” at that relational bliss with God. Everything comes with time and process. I am a firm believer that God works all things together for our good in time. It may not be to the end that I imagined but no matter what I know that I am okay.

When I think of what a healthy relationship with God might look like, I think about the marriage vows, “For richer for poorer, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health,” but even death will not do you part. A relationship with God is not a destination to which we arrive. We don’t get to check it off of our list - relationship with the Almighty…check. There are times when we may fall away, but we come back. It is an ongoing process. Like a married couple you have to work on your relationship daily. The relationship will go through cycles and changes but you choose to be in that relationship and enjoy the ride.

It is not so surprising that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your soul, heart, mind and strength (Luke 10:27). It is challenging to strike up an intimate relationship with an invisible God. It’s easier to talk about having a relationship with Him than it is to actually have one. The same might even be true for some of our human relationships (like marriage). I liken building a relationship with the Unseen God to building a relationship with a newborn baby. You know your baby is there, your baby does communicate with you before the crying begins, but you have to pay attention and be intentional about communicating with your baby, including her into your daily life, and understanding his needs. If not, your infant is merely house décor or an accessory until the crying and movement begin. My baby is constantly communicating with me. But whenever I am distracted I miss her little nuances. If there is too long of a delay in my response time, the result is mass hysteria. Our faith is who we are; it’s not something we do. Everyday is an opportunity to build on a relationship with God Almighty that is satisfying, meaningful and true.

I hope you enjoyed this read. In case you missed the other pieces of relationship advice in this series, CLICK HERE to catch up: “JEHOVAH FIRE, GOD MY SPARE TIRE”, “UH…RESPECT ME THOUGH?” “FRIEND OF…GOD? REALLY?” and “YOU MIGHT SEE HIM IS THE CHURCH BUT, SHAWTY, YOU DON’T KNOW GOD.” 

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